Gender is one of the most important parts of parenthood. It keeps both parents excited and over-the-edge upon thinking that they will have this particular gender for a child. But what if the child you are hoping is not what you have hoped for? Some prefer to have a baby girl but turned out to have a baby boy instead.
Some would expect to give birth to a baby boy, but surprises themselves when a baby girl is on its way. How to get over gender disappointment may be quite hard, especially if you have strong expectations of the gender of your baby.
When a woman is about 20 weeks into her pregnancy, an ultrasound may reveal the gender of what you are conceiving already. Is it a boy or a girl? Despite the fact that you are hoping for a particular gender, you will still act as if everything is normal and that you are thrilled that, at the very least, you are having a healthy baby regardless of the gender. But when you are at home, you will feel all the blues, disappointment and sadness which will ultimately lead you to feel guilty.
Feeling guilty is a big no-no during pregnancy as it will cause you stress and have a toll on your health, which you obviously do not want to happen because it will affect the child in your womb as well. So what will you do then? We have created a list of tips on how to get over gender disappointment in a process.
How To Get Over Gender Disappointment?
Just like any moving on situations, getting over your disappointment about your child’s gender is a process. You definitely could not get rid of it overnight and be happy the next morning. No. You should take it one step at a time.
You can never move on without accepting the truth. Accept that you feel disappointed and be honest about what you are feeling. Hiding your frustrations and guilt will only make matters worse and will not lead to a healthy pregnancy. Do not hide your emotions because if you do, it will be harder for you to keep your negative thoughts under the radar.
So you’d better acknowledge them and be vocal about it. Talk to anyone about what you are feeling – be it your partner, a family member or a friend. If you are not happy with conversing with them and letting them know what you feel because you are scared to be judged, then go and talk to a therapist. A therapist will be able to help you overcome what you feel better than anyone else.
2. Understand Why You Are Feeling That Way
Understanding why you are feeling disappointed over the gender of your baby is one step to move on from your situation. Why don’t you like your baby to be a girl? Maybe because you have been accustomed to a boy-dominated surrounding that you do not want your baby girl to suffer from.
Why don’t you like a son? Maybe because you love to dress-up baby girls and you think that having a baby girl means that she will be able to take care of you better than having a son. Whatever are your reasons for feeling that way, understand it deeply and recognize your doubts.
If you are having some doubts, tell yourself that no matter what the gender of your baby is, you will not know whether he or she will grow up the way you like him or her to be. Will your baby girl grow up fragile and being bullied or maybe she’ll grow up tough and strong that no boy-dominated world can dampen her spirit?
Will having a son means he will just leave you after he reaches 18 or maybe he will grow into an affectionate and loving person that despite moving out from the house, he’ll make time and effort to see and visit you often?
Understanding that these doubts can be baseless until you see your child grow will make you realize that no matter what the gender of your child is, he or she is and will always be a child born to you and that these doubts are just falsifications of your inner fears.
3. Pen A Letter
To let go of what you are feeling, pen a letter to your expected child. If you are expecting a baby girl, address a letter to her saying what you feel and why you want her to be with you. Also, include the letter every guilt feelings that you may have including how you feel bad of not recognizing the baby boy inside you as much as you would have recognized her.
However, you should also address a letter to yourself saying that you are a great mother and that you need to be strong to keep things going. When you read this letter sent to yourself, you will be able to understand that you are a mother who knows no gender, but pure love.
4. Trust Your Ability
Yes, you may feel disappointed for not getting the gender of the baby that you desire. Yes, you may feel guilty for feeling that way. But will you stay in that dark abyss? Of course not. Never question your ability to become a great mother. It is okay for you to feel the disappointment and guilt, but it is unhealthy to dwell on those feelings longer than it should be.
Remember, you will become a mother. Regardless of the gender of your unborn or born child, your mother instincts are the same. Your love for the child is the same, and you will take care of him/her the same as you would have taken care of the gender you initially preferred.
We are perfectly sure that you will be able to receive the endless amount of happiness once you see your bundle of joy smiling or sleeping on your arms as you take care of him/her regardless of your gender preference.